Pepsi today announced its new advertising campaign, “Monkey Like Pepsi.” Pepsi says its new campaign is what they call an aggressive marketing campaign to get the attention of a newer, more hip generation. The advertising campaign includes rabid monkey scratching people’s eyes out who prefer the taste of anything other than Pepsi. The commercials and print ads are said to be launched sometime next month. The ads are centered around the main character of the campaign, an African Vervet monkey, affectionately named Nut-Sack.

One commercial portrays a group of four Vervet monkeys, including Nut-Sack, driving a classic Chevy Monte Carlo to the park, blasting gangster rap and drinking Pepsi. Said to be on a, “street knowledge mission,” the monkeys arrive at a park for some fun with the local residents’ picnicking. The monkeys jump out of their whip (car) and start terrorizing local residents, ripping Coke cans from their hands, biting their faces, and flinging monkey feces at them. Once the humans are at the will of the crazy monkeys, the monkeys start chanting, “Monkey like Pepsi, Monkey like Pepsi…” The commercial fades to a black screen with big letters that say, “I guess you should have drunk a Pepsi, you bitch!”

In related news, in response to the Pepsi advertising campaign, Coca-Cola is preparing a commercial to combat the new Pepsi campaign. The commercial shows a family enjoying the park on a nice afternoon. The father pulls a dead monkey out of the trunk with a Pepsi can in its hand, drags it along the parking lot and tosses it on a grill. The commercial then shows the family digging into their lunch and drinking Coca-Cola. The mother then holds a can of Coke and proclaims, “Nothing goes better with dead barbequed monkey than a nice cold Coke.”